And so we did the Langgoed Olmenhorst SlowFood fair, two beautiful non-“Dutch Autumn” days, meaning it was mostly sunny, ok some wind, yes, some wind, of course, and cloudy, sometime, yes, natuurlijk, but, hey! Come on! The Meaning Of Life by Dr. Frankenstin and Eye-gore doesn’t apply here! “It could be worse”, he said, “How??! How could this possibly be worse!?? We’re digging graves for corpses in the middle of night!”, he replied, “Could be raining”, he ended, before a thunder rattled and water started pouring from the rain.

You see the hint? It was not Holland! It would be raining, already! So, let’s not complain all the time, it oh-so-not-professional…who cares! I LOVE complaining, and ranting over and over, and so do you, don’t LIE TO ME! BUT: let’s calm down, there’s much more to rant (over) so let’s get to it.

Weather was  “fine”, as mentioned, peculiarly cold, I must add, but I had my 2000 watt ceramic grill from Rommelsbacher (fancy name, fancier tool!) so beat it! And I was there with my comfort and joy on Saturday, and with plenty of supplies: honing tomatoes, own-baked “rustico” bread and a lot, a swarming river of excellent E.V.O.O. And sunday: split peas soup, “a tres-chic concoction of water, salt and split peas” (to be read with the most jean-te-pattang voice you can perform, don’t know what I’m talking about: youtube “Denis Leary French Rant”, now). Unfortunately my joy of life couldn’t be there as she was running 21 km like this, for fun! And that was to add to my discomfort while facing the audience.

Now a brief note: I’m not always at ease, it is true, but I’m particularly upset by obnoxious morons, aren’t you?? And “food fairs” seems to be luring them like the Hamelin bloody Pied Piper! It’s easy to understand why, two words: “free fucking food”. And the F word couldn’t be more appropriate, as these peoples rarely care what they’re stuffing in the mouth, the only thing they know it’s that it’s free, they say “heerlijk” well before having actually having put anything in their mouths! They don’t care! More on that later.

Because a lot people cared, and I am glad about it. Lot of people asked the right questions, where happy to get the right answers, where delighted to taste something oh-so-rich, etc. A lot of people discovered that you can use olive oil for more than dressing a salad (oh my!) and dare to think “chef”. Like the “gay guy”, who usually cooks (the not-so-good-looking one, that is usually the case), and likes to cook “gay”, good for him! So he’d like to try some fancy oil (Orange, perhaps?) on some baked fish, well guess what?That is also how they do it in Filicudi, small volcanic island in Sicily, and it tastes delicious! Dellllllllicious! OK so I was happy to do some good, for once, and feed a lot of kids a lot of tomatoes, bread and olive oil, of course. I love kids. I gotta say I love their parents less. They park their kids in front of the food trays like Dickensian rascals, I am sure if I had looked good I would have seen some brown juta sacks coming out of their black-sooted hood. No way! Do these people ever feed their kids? Meaning: at their own expenses?? Or do they simply get busy on the calendar like: “Ok, tomorrow we’re in Bonjesfoort for lunch, their is the Expired Meat Market, and for dinner we’re going to Looten, the artificially-ripened cheese fair started yesterday!”. I got a message for them delivered for them during the fair, last Sunday: “Chili&Garlic Fucking Oil”, do you like it spicy?